Challenge #4: The Cold Blooded Lothario

So, week 4 brings a challenge for Pitt the Junior and it’s a good one because I can tick it straight off. Plus, it’s kind of amusing.

His challenge:

Make a fake dating app profile using the alias of an infamous lizard rights lawyer.

The first choice was which dating app to use and, by the power of GoogleSkull, I have opted for eHarmony.

So, ‘Drew Hackman’ is a pretty damp fish when it comes to women I’ve decided. Much like his beloved lizards, he is cold blooded, moves slowly in the dark and feels threatened around birds. He is bossy, opinionated and about as passionate as half cooked pasta. If he found one of those plastic red fish in his Christmas cracker and placed it on his hand, it would vomit on him before turning to ice. He only really wants to date a woman to help him clear his home office.

When asked the question, ‘Do you enjoy sexual activity?’ on eHarmony, he snorted and clicked ‘Not at all’.

He is articulate, intelligent but not aggressive. He likes order, is content and does not care much about the physical shape he is in. When it comes to being around other people, he is not that bothered. However, get him on the topic of his lovely lizards (whose rights are being diminished by the selfish human species) and he is verbose and passionate indeed.

He has no interest in movies, is unskilled in forming relationships with the opposite sex and does not rank family, friends or dining out as particularly important.

On the up side, he likes reading, listening to music and does not think physical appearance is important in a relationship.

He is a specialist lawyer in Lanthanotus Borneensis rights and often travels to Borneo.

When asked, what are you passionate about, Drew replied:

I am not passionate about many things. I enjoy classical music and researching. However, my specialty of Law is in the field of the Lanthanotus Borneensis. I feel very strongly about the loss of habitat for this creature and firmly believe that it is my duty to provide a voice for this lizard.

It hardly excites me but it does energise me.

What does he do with his leisure time?

I do not take days off work as my skills are required constantly and it would be a poor use of my time to spend a day being frivolous. However, I can take some pleasure in taking part in activities that, I believe, further my research or improve my skills. I therefore enjoy reading, researching and exercising my mind.

Three things he is grateful for?

  • His mind.
  • His dark grey Harris Tweed jacket.
  • His genetic resistance to sugar cravings.

Oh, yes…Dr Hackman is indeed quite the catch.

eHarmony, disagreed:

eharmony profile

However, he seems to be faring better on Tinder….so far.



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